“You’re blessed when you feel you’ve lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you.” Matthew 5:4
What does it mean to mourn? That gut wrenching feeling that provokes all types of tears and wails overcoming you until you feel like you have nothing left of yourself. It wasn’t something I wanted or was ready for. I had a strong longing for what used to be and how things were when we were happy together. Where did I go wrong, what did I do, am I not worth staying with, was I not enough to make him try anymore. The deepest suffering I have ever felt since the first time I thought I was in love.
God has been revealing to me the blessing in all of this. Without this pain, would I be running after God this hard? Would I be filling up my mind with the comfort that He provides, with the words He teaches? Without this sorrow, I wouldn’t be able to fully understand and experience the one source of true comfort.
We try so hard to run away from pain. We try to cover it with drinking, watching movies, studying, shopping, but there’s nothing you could really do to remove that pain on your own.
“God will never waste your pain”
There is no greater comfort than the one He provides. He’s going to use this for His glory. He’s using this for me to experience a new life; one that doesn’t require me leaning on anyone but Him. Making me grow wiser on how great He is. He’s filling that empty space I’ve been feeling and He’s filling the spaces I never even knew I had. Following Him causes me to realize this need for Him and helps me go into total submission and dependence.
Written by Hannah Solon